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Rigmarole: 1. Confused, rambling, or incoherent discourse; nonsense
   2. A complicated, petty set of procedures.


 I’m gonna go with number one there. That’s mostly what this journal-ly thing is. Rigmarole. This post in particular is going to be full of it.

 Grey. My book. The thing that is my brainchild. And some days I just look at it and think that every character is a wildly inconsistent Mary Sue/Gary Stu. That the plot makes no sense. That Iggy is not likeable. That Chris doesn’t work. That it’s not realistic. That people will hate it. That Light doesn’t have accurate characterisation as a psychopath. That Lily’s way too inconsistent. That Orion’s just cheesy. That Alison’s just a bitch. And that there is no fucking way I can write. Those days I just don’t open the file labelled ‘Draft 1’. And it hurts. I don’t like feeling like that.

 Those are the days that I procrastinate badly. I trawl FF.net, I check my email every five minutes, I post new topics on the roleplays I’m a member of, I ride my bike for hours, I sit somewhere and just think. I read. I throw my lacrosse ball against the wall. I write my fanfic. I write lots of shorts. Then I pick myself up and try to put the pen to paper for Grey. And it helps. It’s a cycle, but it’s one that kind of works. And it puts my mind to rest and helps me batter out my characters.

Light started out as my avatar and very probably the only Mary Sue I’ve written. I’m sure that if I went through my old stories I’d find more, but Light is the most prominent. Actually, her name was Mitsy at first. She was bubbly, plump, with curly hair, everybody loved her, she could kill with a thought and minimal skin contact and she had kick-ass wings of darkness and seizures every now and then. She was the daughter of a lower aristocratic French Duke (*facepalm*) who’s mother had spirited her away when her father ditched her mother for his mistress, and then she watched her ‘weak’ mother get raped and stabbed in a back alley before she disappeared into the sewers. Yes, I know. I’ve toned her down a lot. No lost French duchy for Light! I’ve also made the radical decision to turn her into a psychopath instead of a kindly character who you’re supposed to still sympathise with while she’s a complete bitch. She’s become a lot more vain, a lot less *allpowerful* and a lot less Sue-ish.

I’m still not decided on the kick-ass wings of darkness though.

That’s the thing about Grey. It started out as Mitsy’s playground, and I’m worried that it still comes across as that far too much. Iggy was a throwaway joke, Lily necessary background, Orion jumped in with Lily. Chris was a chapter-opener. It’s a little weird how every one of my characters has evolved. Chris got a first name! Though I’m still iffy on keeping Light’s name ‘Light’ because of Deathnote and Alistair’s name has changed so many times it just isn’t funny. I’m thinking of changing Sevmire’s name too, and I need to change Orion’s second to a ship.

In short, Grey needs a lot of work before it completely stops being Mitsy’s playground. In some ways it kinda hurts, but in others I think the process is kinda neat.

And that (^) was a fuck-load of rigmarole about my baby.